THE MAN WHO BOUGHT THE WORLD.
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After buying the secret of deep space travel from the Orx with Coca
leaves (which turned out to be the rarest and most precious commodity
in the Galaxy), the C.I.A. sent a special Insurgency Platoon to the Free
People of Arqa to 'liberate' them...
After many months travel, they touched down on the largest landmass
of Arqa. |
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Chief of Staff the Rev. Commander 'Blackshirt' Buggerme leads the
invasion...
"DON'T PANIC, WE COME IN PEACE. "We have no leaders, we are each responsible for our own actions. "No leaders huh, OK WHO RUNS YOUR MILITARY OPERATIONS? "We have no armies either "WHAT! NO ARMIES?, WHAT IF PEOPLE FROM THE OTHER PARTS OF THE PLANET DECIDE TO INVADE? "We have no restrictions on travel, people are free to come and go as they please. "JEEZ! THIS IS GOING TO BE EASIER THAN I THOUGHT.
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| Commander Blackshirt decides to hold a press conference and show of
his military hardware.
"Y'SEE, THE PROBLEM YOU PEOPLE HAVE IS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A
MARKET ECONOMY. YOU ONLY PRODUCE JUST ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE
AND DISTRIBUTE IT FOR FREE OR IN RETURN FOR OTHER GOODS AND
SERVICES. WHEREAS YOU SHOULD BE MAKING MORE THAN WHAT'S
NEEDED, USING CHEAPER MATERIALS MADE BY EXPENSIVE AND
POLLUTED MEANS, AND STOCKPILING THEM SO THAT PRICES ARE
ARTIFICIALLY INFLATED. THEN, USING CLEVER MARKETING, YOU FLOOD
THE MARKET AND MAKE A KILLING. |
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"But we exchange our goods for other goods, we don't need any more? "AHA, THIS IS THE REALLY CLEVER BIT, WE PRINT MONEY AND CLOSE THE BORDERS. WE PAY THE WORKERS IN MONEY SO THAT THEY HAVE TO BUY THEIR STUFF FROM US (AFTER WE'VE ADDED OUR 'SMALL' PERCENTAGE PROFIT). WE TRADE OUR GOODS WITH OTHER NATIONS FOR THEIR GOODS BUT ONLY PAY CA$H FOR THE STUFF THAT WE REALLY NEED. AND FINALLY, WE HOLD BACK ON MOST OF THE NECESSITIES AND FORCE PEOPLE TO SPEND THEIR MONEY ON LUXURY ITEMS THAT CAN BE CHEAPLY MASS PRODUCED, IN NO TIME AT ALL WE'LL HAVE AN EXTREMELY RICH ECONOMY AND BE THE ENVY OF EVERYONE!
The crowd were already leaving... |
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"I don't think they're buying it Guv...
Back at HQ. "But they don't have any government to overthrow.
"OK. WE'LL STAGE AN ELECTION! I'll be the prime candidate, assassinate
anyone that stands against me. |
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After the election... "WELL, DID I WIN? "Well, only 10% of the population voted, and they all spoilt their papers. "BRILLIANT! A LANDSLIDE VICTORY! A few moths later... "Sir, the population are still not getting into Capitalism, the workers are refusing to work, the farmers are giving the food away and no-one's applied to join the police force! "WHY? WHY DON'T THESE BUGGERS CO-OPERATE?
"They no longer feel free sir. |
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| "FREEDOM EH, I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THEM FEEL FREE. IMPRISON THE
LOT OF 'EM. THEY'LL SOON FEEL FREE ENOUGH WHEN THEY GET OUT
AGAIN... |
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...not to be continued
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